sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
