Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
