Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
