Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
