John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
