On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
