I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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