it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
