hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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