I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i think im in europe. pls send help
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
