They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
