Whatcha textin bout Willis?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
