That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
