That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
is wine microwaveable?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
