My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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