eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You had me at "let me see your balls"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
