Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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