Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
