she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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