you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
