Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
