Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
