after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
