i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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