Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Sext me about skeletons
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
