and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize