Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
