I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
