I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
