Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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