WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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