whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
