I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
