im about as happy as oj after his trial
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
