People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
