Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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