walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
