Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Less talking, more tequila
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
