I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
