guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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