No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
