just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
