I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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