we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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