After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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