The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
