dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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