I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
