Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
