Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
YAS. BRING CRAB.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
