tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
they need to just BURY HIM!
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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