And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
