I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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