My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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