I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
