my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
