nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
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