you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
