i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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