some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize