why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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