Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
