just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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