Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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