Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
