If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
