he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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