sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
