I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
