Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
